


For the Love of a Queen

by LadyLorena



Series: Wanderlust [1]
Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Friendship, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-26
Updated: 2016-08-26
Packaged: 2018-08-11 03:04:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 16,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7873714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyLorena/pseuds/LadyLorena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sigyn met Loki when he was not quite grown, he a prince, she a young queen, peers across cultures.  Her bold approach to everything from the All-Father to life itself attracted his attention.  Her devotion to her people is a reflection of her devotion to all things that matter to her heart- eventually, to him, too.  But he will break it, and she will watch him die.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_His first encounter with her was as a woman defeated, but she held no grief in her eyes, no despair, as so many that came through his father's great hall did. This made an impression on Loki. Elegant, tall, red hair, bright eyes, turquoise silk gown, and skin kissed by the sun, she did not look like the girls his age at court. Nor like the village girls he'd seen in passing. Not even Sif. But she seemed no less fierce than his warrior friend._

" _Welcome, Sigyn, to fair Asgard! It must be so different from what you are used to in the land of your people."_

_She turned to the elder Odinson, her head high, her voice crisp, "You assume I have not seen the city, that my people have never left their lands. I am no fair, quaking country maiden, Thor Odinson. My father may no longer to act as King, our sovereignty bent to Asgard for protection against the raiders that have dwindled our numbers. But there was no such bargain that I relinquish my right to step up as our Queen. You would be best to remember that."_

_Thor shook his head, amused, chuckling at her, "You have spirit. But_ you _would best remember you surrendered."_

" _Only out of necessity to preserve the lives of my people. And not to you." She turned from Thor and approached the throne, passing Loki and Frigga. She bent to one knee, "Odin All-Father. We are grateful for your understanding in our situation and the grace you have extended us since."_

" _Of course, Lady Sigyn. You did not know us from your captors. I hope my men preserved life as often as they could. We intended you no harm. Honestly, we were unaware you were encamped where the raiders found you and we found them. And please, rise. You are a Queen to your people. You need not stay bent."_

" _Thank you. We are few in number, All-Father. Our invisibility is our survival. So we often keep our whereabouts unknown."_

" _That is a wise course of action. Your people are settling well in the city?"_

" _Settling, but not all of them well. We are used to wandering. While there is safety here, some of our fellows are restless and seek the wider fields they knew in their youth, before the raiders became such a threat."_

" _Do you think they will find ways to satisfy their wanderlust?"_

" _Not all of them. Some will will leave and return to where we came from. They would rather risk death than die slowly pinned in a house. But there are other who are finding the comforts of a home that does not move to be a luxury they will certainly keep."_

" _That is their right. And I understand this. But we may not be able to protect them, so I would strongly advise against allowing those with children to leave."_

_Sigyn tilted her head, "What does one having children have to do with if they leave?"_

" _Would they not seek to take their sons and daughters with them?"_

" _No. That is not the way we run our families. If a father or mother leave, there will be others who have raised the children ready to step in. We do not imperil our children unnecessarily, Odin All-Father. We may be a wandering people, but we are a careful one with what is most precious."_

_He nodded, "Good. There is little known about your tribe. You keep to yourselves. And you do not seem to lose people to the cities often."_

" _We like to keep to ourselves. And we likely will here, as well. My father sends his thanks for your generosity in housing us and for allowing him to step aside so that I might lead our people in this new life. But I have come with another request."_

" _Oh?"_

" _My people are finding work difficult. While my father has set up his work with metals, much else of our tradesfolk's tools were burned or destroyed in the battle. We have little to work with and your city is not so welcoming to the people from the wild as you have been. They see us as theives and whores. We have inquired for occupation and little has been offered, most doors shut in our faces. We require tools and the means to make our own work within our community and for the wider use of Asgard. All-Father, I come with a list, carried in the memory of my handmaid, Iceni. I ask that you trust her mind and record what she asks for and for whom. We need your assistance in getting these things or our people will simply turn to crime to stave off starvation or return to our old life to die there instead of strangers in an unwelcoming land. We can work. We want to. But it is not, at the present, possible. And keeping our trades will make settling in this new world easier."_

_Odin nodded, "Would she be willing to sit with our Queen and our scribes so that the list can be written?"_

" _She will if I ask."_

" _Good. Then please make that arrangement."_

" _Thank you, All-Father. May I take word back that we are going to receive some help from our hosts?"_

" _Yes, you may. We will first have to know the list to understand what help we may give, but we will do what we can."_

_She bowed briefly, "Then my task here is done." Odin tipped his head in acknowledgement. She turned and strode from the room. Loki's eyes follow her as his mother slipped off to meet with her handmaid. He wondered why the list was not written down. But Sigyn's brisk pace, her elaborate carved walking staff, and her clothes, billowing as though she had wings, all served as distractions. Her strong elegance bore an attraction that fascinated him more than he had ever been drawn to a woman. And yet this Queen appeared his own age and he was not yet considered a man, shy of it by just a few years, a fact Thor always used to taunt him._

_Odin moved on to other business, but Loki wanted to meet this Sigyn. He bowed to his father and was dismissed with a wave. He left quickly, hoping she had not gone too far. He caught up to her near the courtyards, the air heavy with the scent of his mother's honeysuckle. She leaned on the rail, the sun on her copper hair forming an aura around her._

" _Excuse me, Madam..."_

_She turned her head, glancing over her shoulder, "Sigyn. We need no formality. You are not addressing me as a Queen. Or are you? For if you are, I expect you to first bow before you approach."_

" _No, not as a Queen. As a peer. Perhaps as a friend."_

" _I make no friends before I know them, so as a peer only."_

" _Ah. Understood."_

_She smiled and gestured for him to join her; he rested against the rail, his back to the sunlight, "You are new to the city, week before last, correct?"_

" _Yes."_

" _My father told me of your fight. I am sorry for those losses you incurred at our hands. You were only defending yourselves."_

" _We should have recognized the forces of Asgard from the raiders."_

" _It was the middle of battle. I have no doubt your people were afraid- Father said you were outnumbered and close to annihilation. It is easy to mistake friend for foe in such circumstances."_

_She shrugged, "I suppose. And thank you for your attempts at condolence. It is, of course, short, but all words will be when half your people fall."_

" _Half?"_

" _We tallied our numbers after and that of our dead. A full half of our tribe lies freshly buried in the field."_

" _Oh, gods, that's...that's terrible."_

" _That it is."_

" _And yet you maintain your composure here, speaking of it."_

" _I am Queen; I have no other choice. Have you yet seen war?"_

" _I have been taken as a standard bearer. I am not yet old enough to ride with my brother and friends."_

" _Those who are old enough to die are old enough to ride."_

" _That is not how we do things here."_

" _Then you are lucky you have never faced such a real threat as demanded every one of your people, from the smallest child to the oldest woman, to take up arms." She stood up, "It has been a lovely conversation, but I must be going. My people need word that we will not starve to death. So I must return to our enclave."_

" _Will we have the chance to speak again?"_

" _Perhaps."_

" _Only perhaps?"_

" _I never say 'yes' when it comes to seeing someone again. They die so often, and so quickly."_

" _Oh."_

" _So 'perhaps' is the closest you will hear me come to it."_

_Loki took a deep breath, "Before you leave, may I be so bold as to say that you are captivating and your gown is like none I have ever seen?"_

_She smiled, a radiant grin lit her face and made the colour rise in Loki's cheeks, "Of course. But I am no Aesir goddess with skin fair and hair of gold. I am what I am. I wear my mother's silks and attempt to fill her place as Queen. That you appreciate this is very kind."_

" _May I walk you to the gate?"_

" _No. I cannot be seen as puppet to the house of Odin. And so I will walk alone."_

" _Ah. Goodbye, then."_

" _Yes. Goodbye."_

_And she was gone._

_The second time she came to the palace, it was to escort the tools and materials for her tradespeople to her corner of the city. She appeared in sage, her gown billowing behind her down the halls. She had negotiations first with the captains escorting the supplies- there was to be no great military presence with them when they walked into the enclave and yet that was exactly what the All-Father usually did, marching in as a saving grace, a peacekeeping force, and the hero. But that was not what she wanted. She needed him to walk beside her, an ally, with only men enough to guide the horse-drawn carts. People on foot, not warriors on their steeds._

_There was a break in the day for lunch and for a rest before they departed. She ate with the royal family and then excused herself to the gardens, once again leaning on the short wall to smell the flowers and listen to the birds and insects humming in the sun._

_Loki approached her again, "Good day, my lady."_

" _Hello."_

" _Was lunch to your liking? We weren't sure what your people's tastes were."_

" _It was lovely, thank you. Not entirely in our traditions, of course, but a good culinary adventure is always something I embrace."_

_He smiled, "Good. I will tell our chefs they did not offend. They were worried."_

" _Why? This is your home, not mine."_

" _We try to be sensitive to the tastes of our guests."_

_She watched him, "You haven't been sent to be the diplomat, have you? Because you lack the awkwardness I've seen when meeting with the chiefs of other tribes."_

" _Is 'chief' your father's title?"_

" _No. Nor was it." She turned back to the garden._

" _My apologies. That was insensitive of me."_

" _He is a metalsmith now. That is the only title he carries." She straightened and brushed the front of her dress, "But he was once called king."_

_Loki stepped closer, "May I be so bold as to escort Her Majesty to the gardens?"_

" _You mock me?"_

" _No. I mean it only in reverence. You are unlike any Queen I have yet met."_

" _And you have met a few?"_

" _Yes. Alfheim. Vanaheim. Those who held the title in the outer lands." He offered his arm with a raised brow and she accepted._

" _So long as you do not get foolish ideas from a walk in the gardens."_

" _Foolish ideas are no harm, my lady. Actions based on them are. All people have dreams and fantasies. It is indulgence that causes trouble."_

_She smirked, "Are you admitting you have had fantasies about me?"_

" _What man would not? You are a woman of grace and power. That is incredibly alluring."_

" _I think your brother believes I ought to have dreamt of him. He has been flirting since I first stepped into this world."_

" _Likely. Father has been telling him he ought to take a wife."_

" _Ah." She paused by a flowering tree and plucked a bloom from the branch, tucking it in her hair, "Well it will not be me. It is not my fate to be Queen of Asgard."_

" _Oh? And how do you know it isn't?"_

_She walked to a spot of shaded grass and sat down under the trees, "Because I do not foresee it."_

_Loki sat carefully beside her, "Foresee? Do you have the gift of future sight?"_

" _A little. I see mostly shadows. But it is a skill I wish to cultivate."_

" _It is my mother's gift. But like all with it, she cannot speak of what she sees."_

" _Those of us who see shadows have more freedom. Perhaps I should leave my sight clouded."_

_Loki shrugged, "Whatever you wish. There are advantages to both. Do you practice any of the other arts?"_

" _Do you mean of sorcery and energies beyond, or do you mean music and dance and song?"_

" _Either."_

" _Why?"_

" _Because you are an itriguing woman and I wish to know."_

" _Both. But my mother is dead and so I have no one else from which to learn to bend reality. I am no master of illusion."_

" _And the other?"_

" _I dance with my people in our tradition. And I drum with them."_

" _Drum?"_

" _Yes. Our dances are rhythmic. Some use other instruments, yes, but the beats drive our feet. We are wanderers, we cannot carry with us an orchestra."_

_Intrigued, Loki stood, offering a hand, "Teach me."_

" _No."_

" _Why not?"_

" _Because you are not one of us nor do you know the stories behind them. The dances are not just motions. They are one of the ways we keep the old traditions alive. So to tell of how Catha and Boghill danced under the stars to beat the earth into existence, pushing the water to the edges off into their beds as their bodies melded to create our race? This is a sacred story. And it is danced." She accepted his hand, "But if you are interested in our people, in our stories, perhaps you can observe as a guest. You will not repeat it, though, on your own. Nor will you bring others with you, or speak during the dance."_

" _Are you inviting me?"_

" _Only after I know you better. I have to know I can trust someone with sacred things before I bring them to our circles." She stood, "But there are other concerns today. I have to deliver these things to the people who need them. And convince your father that he needn't ride in the saviour."_

" _Good luck. Though you are better to deal with him than with Thor. My brother has no sense of subtlety or tact."_

" _And you?"_

" _I at least make an attempt."_

_She laughed, "You are at least honest about yourself. This is good. Goodbye for today, Loki, son of Odin. I will return when we are more settled and perhaps we can learn one another when there are no responsibilities to attend." He offered her arm and they walked back into the palace so she could finish her duties and return home._

 


	2. Chapter 2

Sigyn sits quietly in her house wondering what all went so terribly wrong that the sweet young man she met so many years fell from the Bifrost, an intentional act. Suicide. She is one of the few outside the royal family who knows the prince was not simply a casualty of the incident that shattered the Bridge, but also its architect.

There is a feast at the palace. She has been invited. There was a victory in Midgard and the Frost Giants have once again been defeated in their troublemaking, or at least this is the public narrative. But her heart is far too heavy and there will be few there who would be willing to understand her mourning, even in his treason. His mother, perhaps, but not his friends. She heard the way they bickered outside her door about how they would tell her what he had done.

She wonders how Thor feels. If his heart is as crushed as hers. If he feels as though his chest is pressed under the weight of all worlds. If his head hurts, his stomach turns, and if there are obscenities he would like to scream over the edge of the Void to curse his brother for letting go.

She walks through her house, small as it is, looking for the things he gave her, or things he particularly loved. Everything brightly coloured, reflections of her soul's vibrance, seem offensive given the grief. She wishes her father were still alive. There are rituals and rites for times like this, ways to care for one another as a family. But she has no one left to perform them.

She rests her hand on her belly and feels the little fluttering movements within. Twins. She knows their names, but will not speak them or write them. There are dark things on their horizon, and possibly death by one another's hands, but she is determined to enjoy them while she can, to thwart the visions if at all possible. Fates are never set. They can be changed.

She takes off the long white wrapped dress she has lounged in so often since she discovered her pregnancy and hangs it on a peg. There are darker things to wear now, and she drapes herself in black silk lengths, tying a scarf in her hair and draping a long shawl over her head. Her stomach pushes through the draped strips of fabric, bump ever so slight. She does not bother to cover herself as she walks into the street, the silk shifting to expose her body. Her neighbours are her fellow wanderers, they will understand this is not strange, but traditional mourning, for she has lost her prince.

She had not seen him in months. The distance between them worried her, but she knew there were things demanded of him in preparation for Thor's coronation. He had written letters at first, but she had asked only to see him to tell him their good news. She would not write it. So it had waited. And now it was too late.

She walks to the communal fire in the middle of the square. They long ago closed off the streets with wagons and barrels, eventually building barricades to keep the traffic away. A circle of homes. The way their wagons, tents, carriages, and little cottages on wheels would have been around the fires out in the fields. At the fire, she says his name, draws back her veil, and spits. The old women who mind the fire and knit their days away telling stories set aside their yarn and draw drums from beneath their benches, placing them between their knees. They play and Sigyn dances.

 


	3. Chapter 3

_As her people sat up their shops and began their lives in Asgard's city, Sigyn let the youngest prince get to know her a little at a time. She walked with him in the gardens, their conversations leaving him with a few clues to her life, but no great understanding of her community. But nearly a year after her arrival, their conversations shifted._

_He escorted her through the roses her arm looped through his, their bodies a respectable distance apart, as they always were. She stopped to smell a flower so darkly violet that she could have called it black had the light not been right. Cupped in her hands, the bloom flowed beyond her fingers. She studied it intently._

" _We never saw flowers like this in the fields, but neither do I see our flowers here."_

" _Oh?"_

" _Wild things do not do well with boundaries. Not even appealing ones."_

_He tilted his head, watching her gently brush the petals with a fingertip, "Does this apply to people, too?"_

" _Of course."_

" _And you?"_

_She sat the bloom down, "Yes."_

" _You yearn for the mobility."_

" _No. I yearn for the places. The smell of the meadows in the spring and the songs of the dark woods. I long to hear creatures that cannot live in this place and to pick wild berries from patches of light deep under the trees in places people do not go."_

_She heard a hesitation in his voice as he carefully chose his words, "Does this mean you intend to free yourself from this cage so that you may find your happiness?"_

" _No. For then I would lose other things I have gained this past year."_

" _Such as? Tell me one such thing that compels you to stay in this golden cage."_

_She turned to face him, away from the roses, "You resent this place? It is your home. Imperfect as it is, it is where you have made yourself and been made. You have it."_

_Loki sighed, "No. I resent my father's light that shines so brightly on Thor and casts the long shadow in which I stand." She reached for his face, a slow, careful moment she did not know if he would allow._

_Her palm rested on his cheek and he leaned into her touch, sliding his own hand along her arm until his fingertips stretched over hers, "Then be a candle and light the darkness. Is it that hard to be someone that makes his own light?"_

_He turned his face towards her hand and kissed her wrist, "Yes, Sigyn it is."_

" _And where is your mother's light?"_

" _I do not know. It is an imperfect metaphor. May I kiss you?"_

_She laughed, "You just did."_

" _My Queen, I mean on the lips."_

" _You hardly know me," she said as she brought her face to his, lips warm in the sunlight. It was so easy to allow the moment to carry them away, slowly exploring one another until she pulled him into a hidden corner of the garden and undressed him, unwrapping her gown only after she was sitting over him. She led, he submitted, willing and eager. He hadn't known what to say after they were done, and she rested against him, her head on his shoulder, her dress draped off her shoulders, the silk tickling his sides._

" _Thank you, my lady."_

_She kissed his chin, then stood and refastened her gown, "Thank you, darling prince. You are not a dark thing to be hidden in shadow. You have light and passion and beauty all through you. You must learn to cast off shadow with it, not wallow in it in despair or jealousy. Do not think I have never been overshadowed. I was not the first in line to inherit my father's seat."_

_Loki looked for his clothing as she stepped out from the curtain of ivy, "What happened?"_

" _Your father's men killed him before they knew who we were." And she was gone. He dressed quickly, intending to follow, but by the time he emerged from the greenery, she was gone._

 


	4. Chapter 4

Sigyn is nursing the twins in bed when she hears a voice in her head asking for an audience. Frigga. She tells the Queen to wait and, once the infants are sleeping, she relaxes into her own head, ready for the message. The All-Mother appears to her as a dream.

"He's alive in the Void. He won't come home. He won't speak to me. But I know he is out there. I've seen."

Sigyn feels dizzy and she can't keep her bearings, "He did not die? How is this possible?"

"I do not know. But I'm certain it's him."

"I miss him."

"I know. Never give up hope that he will come back to us."

"If you contact him again, tell him I love him."

Frigga fades.

Sigyn wakes and moves the children to the same side so they can cuddle in their sleep. She pulls up the blankets and strokes their tiny heads, one with hair as dark as their father's, the other with hair of fire like hers. Her little boys. She had planned on napping with them this afternoon, but with this new news, she does not know if she can sleep.

 


	5. Chapter 5

_The seasons changed, the colder part of the year slowly creeping in. Sigyn and Loki's trysts moved from the gardens to the indoors, to dark corners and closets and the stacks in the library so deeply hidden that there was no fear of an invasion of their privacy. Before long, she wanted more time, a comfortable bed, eventually, to spend the night. Loki brought her to his rooms._

_The All-Father ignored his son's romance. Thor, however, he pushed to find a wife. The All-Mother, however, embraced Sigyn fully. She brought them breakfast the first morning they woke together, setting up the meal on his tea table in the outer rooms before they were dressed. Loki stepped out first, hearing movement, and was surprised to see his mother sitting at his table._

" _Good morning, Mother. I did not expect to see you. For what occasion do you bring breakfast?" He noticed the third place setting._

" _You know. Bring Sigyn out. She must be hungry. You both kept late hours. With one another, I presume?" Frigga smirked and winked at her son._

_He blushed, "Oh. You know."_

" _Yes."_

" _Does Father?"_

" _Only so much as he can pretend that he doesn't."_

_Loki sighed with relief, "Thank gods for that." He turned back to the bedroom, "It's alright. Mother's brought us breakfast."_

_Sigyn took his hand and walked to the table, head high, no shame in her posture or on her face, "Good morning, All-Mother. I trust you are well?"_

" _Yes, thank you. But please, when we are alone, no formal titles. Just Frigga."_

_Sigyn sat, "Good. I'm fairly uncomfortable with them. My people call me by name. It is only when we are around strangers that they call me Queen. Otherwise, I'm just Sigyn."_

" _They do things very differently than we do, Mother. Sigyn has been telling me their stories."_

" _And Loki has been teaching me his sorcery. Yours."_

_Frigga poured tea, "Oh? He has only been a grown man for a month and already he has a student." She smiled as Loki opened his mouth to explain himself, "Oh, don't look at me like that. I tried to teach my little sister while I was still a child. Just be careful. There are things you can do that will be dangerous to teach."_

" _You don't disapprove?"_

" _Of which? You teaching Sigyn or the fact that there was a Queen in your bed last night?"_

_He turns crimson and Sigyn giggles, "Oh, I was most certainly..."_

_Frigga bites her lip to keep from laughing, "You two... I think it's sweet. You're well suited to one another. You clearly enjoy each other's company. And she has an aptitude for my art. So no. I do not disapprove."_

" _Father most certainly would."_

" _Your father needs to remember that you are a grown man, Loki. Even though you are still my baby in my heart, the little child I cradled for so long...that does not mean you cannot make your own decisions. Respect what he has to say, and do take it to heart, but also remember that he is not you and you are not bound to what he asks. Not even if he orders it...though if he does, I would advise you be very careful if you are going to walk away. You might not be allowed back."_

" _Father would disown one of us?"_

_She sighed, "Your father would do what was best for the kingdom at the sacrifice of his family. He has done it before. He would do it again. I can only hope I can keep you boys from being casualties to it the next time it happens."_

_Sigyn tilted her head, "You've foreseen something, haven't you?"_

" _I have."_

" _And yet you cannot tell it."_

" _As usual."_

" _Will I lose him?" She took Loki's hand and met his gaze. He opened his mouth to try to say something, but she shook her head and he stopped._

_Frigga watched the exchange, stunned that Loki fell silent with such a simple gesture, "I don't know. That is up to him."_

_After breakfast, Loki kissed Sigyn and went to his studies. Sigyn walked from his room with the Queen._

" _You really don't mind me being with him?"_

" _No. Loki's loves are his to choose. Not mine. Not his father's. And from what I know of you, you are a capable leader with a generous heart for your people and also a strong sense of justice. There is little else I could ask for in someone seeking the heart of my son, other than she love him. And it is clear you do. And that he loves you as well."_

" _He has said it, yes. How did you know?"_

" _Loki does not stop talking for anyone. Except, apparently, you."_

_She bowed to the All-Mother, "Then I am a bit too obvious for my own good, but at least it was only amongst friends."_

" _Your own good?"_

" _My people want to see me strong and independent from Asgard. Not a puppet to its prince. I fear that is what they would believe if they were to know I go to the bed of an Odinson."_

_Frigga thought for a moment before answering, "Then ask him to come to yours. If the prince bows to the Queen, she is no puppet."_

" _That's brilliant."_

_Frigga grinned, "That's exactly what I did- my prince bowed to me...and now he is my King. And now I must attend to the business of my people- there are complaints to hear and dignitaries to greet. But I will see you, and when you do take a night here, I will bring you both breakfast to celebrate your joy."_

_Once alone, Sigyn retreated to the courtyard. It was chilly, but she let the wind kiss her skin and smiled. This life was different than her old one, but happy._

 


	6. Chapter 6

There is a rumour that something has happened in Midgard, something disastrous, and that the Odinsons were somehow involved. Perhaps even war, an invasion. Thor, at the least, returned home without the Bifrost. Someone has claimed to have seen him land with a glowing blue something and Loki, muzzled and chained, in the outer courtyards. Sigyn has eyes and ears everywhere. Her small tribe has spread. The houses around the square that once held so many of them now are more empty, more comfortable, less cramped. And when they are out in the wider world, they listen so they might bring news back to their Queen when they gather to celebrate life together.

She waits. If it is true, there will be a visit. At least something. Word sent from the All-Mother. She sends the children to another house, one her father once kept, his metalsmithing taken on by a young woman formerly his student. She loves children.

In her cottage, Sigyn sits, quiet and calm, and opens her mind to hear what she can from the palace. She would knock on the doors of Frigga's mind, but she knows this would be a risk. There are always risks. But what if she is interrogating her son? There should be no interference.

It is later in the day when it comes. A familiar feeling and a voice in her head beckoning her for an audience. She slips into herself and meets with Frigga.

"He's back. He's broken and so terribly angry and deeply hurt, but he's back."

"May I see him?"

"Only this way. The All-Father has forbidden him visitors."

"All visitors?"

"Even me."

Sigyn can't help but ask the next question, "What did he do?"

"He brought an alien army to Midgard in the attempt to rule it."

"Oh, Loki..."

"And now his father has decreed he will live in a cell the rest of his days, separated from those he loves. It is heartless and cruel. I went anyway, at least in illusion. We could speak. He no longer calls us his parents."

"Why not?"

"For that, we will have to meet in person."

"When?"

"As soon as I can leave to knock on your door."

"I can come to you. Now."

Frigga seems to agree, so she disconnects from her and rides for the palace. Once there, Frigga tells her everything she did not know about Loki's fall- his origins. His scheme with Laufey. His rightful taking-up of Gungnir. The last word his father told him and the last words he told his father. Everything Frigga knows, she tells. They both cry at the end.

Sigyn wants to visit. But there is no way to do so. Not without the All-Mother's magic. Frigga brings her to the bowl she uses to amplify her magic, to project herself away from her body. Sigyn takes a deep breath and releases herself to her projection. And she is in his cell.

"Loki? Why?"

He glances up from the bed where he rests, tossing a cup in the air out of boredom, "Hello, Sigyn. I assume you know what I did."

"Yes. And were I not merely an illusion I would haul you out of that bed, slap you so hard you reeled back on it, and then lie down beside you to cry for your future."

"I have no future."

"Exactly. And what of mine?"

The cup stops, "What do you mean?"

"Precisely what I ask. What of my future? Am I to be one of the silent non-widows who loves so dearly and yet cannot claim the rights of widowhood for having never been a wife? Am I to just go back to the community I have remaining, drape myself in blacks a second time, dance around the fire until I fall into it? Did you even think of those you had left behind when you fell?"

"No."

"Do we mean so little?" He does not answer, staring at the ceiling, "I came because your mother-"

"She's not my mother."

"Horse shit, Loki."

"She's not. Did she tell you of my parentage? Or are you still under the illusion that I am of this race?"

"I am under no such illuson."

"And you would fuck a frost giant?"

"I already have and it made no difference then. It would make none now. So I don't see your point. And I rather thought more of it than just fucking. If it meant nothing to you-"

"It didn't."

"You lie."

"Constantly. But it didn't."

She sighs, "I've held you in my heart all this time. I've given you the rights of one of my people. I've invited you to our sacred fire. And yet you say it meant nothing. Then why? You had your pick of women. You had no power to gain over me. And were it a game, you would be more smug in your victory."

"Just leave, Sigyn."

"I will. But not before you know this: I will take no other lover until a decade after you are in the ground. That is our custom when one loses a husband or wife. And I will hold it, even though we were not. Goodbye, Loki. Remember you are loved by Queen Sigyn."

She does not wait for a reaction before returning to herself. Frigga looks to her for some hint of what took place between them. Sigyn walks to the nearest bench and sits, dissolving in tears. The All-Mother sits with her and puts her hand on the young woman's back.

"What did he say to you?"

"We meant nothing. Just fucks for his fun."

"He lies."

"Of course. But that makes it no less hard to hear."

"And what will you do?"

"Retreat. Raise my children. And live quietly in my community. There is nothing else to do."

"He may need you some day."

"And when that day comes, I may or may not be there. If he wants distance, he will get it. If he comes to my door, he will have to earn entrance. There is nothing else I can do."

Frigga nods, "I understand. But will you at least ask the All-Father to spare his life?"

"I will ask once. After that, no. He never thought me worthy of his youngest. My words will mean little."

Frigga walks with Sigyn to the throne room. She makes a brief plea to consider mercy and then leaves before he can answer. She returns to her father's house, to the twins and to the laughter of their games, and forces him to the back of her mind. There will be times alone to think of such things, but her babies must come first before the condemned prince.

 


	7. Chapter 7

_It was close to the time for her tribe's festival when Sigyn invited Loki to join her. In the wild places they had wandered, the season changes were more apparent. The leaves turned to the colours of fire and the wild things they hunted began storing fat and food more earnestly for the winter. And when the skies turned grey and the creatures hibernated, they would celebrate together. It never had a fixed date, but in the city, they could not see the animals in their dens and the leaves did not so spectacularly change. So instead of abandon it, Sigyn called for the festival after the first flurries of snow. They set preparations in motion and she asked Loki to be her guest by way of a message sent with Iceni._

_He arrived at the enclave with two guards. He insisted they stay on the outside of the buildings and they begrudgingly complied, just inside the blocked off streets. The old women already drummed around the fire and there were people moving slowly around the flames, dancing and talking while meat roasted on spits over it. Sigyn was not hard to find. She sat on a cushioned bench in layers of brightly coloured silk, turquoise, lavender, white, and a shock of orange. There were jewels, beads, and feathers woven into her hair; braids kept it back from her face and formed a slender crown over the bulk of her curls. A plaid shawl draped, folded, off the end of the bench, gold jewelery on her wrists, fingers, ankles, toes, and around her neck. He had never seen her as the resplendent Queen and so he stopped and stared a moment before approaching._

_He stood at a respectful distance from her seat, waiting for her to finish her conversation; when she did, he stepped forward and bowed low, "My lady. Thank you for your generous invitation."_

_She stood, "Rise, Loki, son of Odin, and sit with me as my friend." She offered a hand. Before he fully straightened, he took it and kissed her fingers. Then he sat beside her._

" _I apologize if my guards make anyone uncomfortable. I escaped with as few as possible, but the All-Father insisted I not travel alone to this part of the city. There have been some rather unpleasant occurrences on the road here this past month."_

" _If by 'unpleasant occurrences' you mean the rape of one of our girls and the murder of two of our children, yes. We prefer to call them atrocities."_

_He bowed his head, "I'm sorry. I've been taught to speak of things in guarded terms when in diplomatic situations."_

_She tilted her head, "You consider this a diplomatic situation?"_

" _I don't. But to convince my father it was wise for me to come, I told him I was acting as an ambassador from the family to send a gesture of support and goodwill after the crimes against your people. I was told my behaviour would be noted and reported."_

_She scoffed, "So he thinks so little of us that he considers it enough to send condolences."_

" _I don't know his heart, my lady. Only what he was willing to show when I asked. He and I have never been close." He paused, "But I will press Mother on the matter when I return. She knows this is no mere ambassadorial duty."_

_Sigyn's smile returned, "Bless her for trusting us." She stood; her firm hand on Loki's shoulder clearly told him to stay seated. "My friends!"_

_Men in elaborate fur on either side of her bench stepped forward, their hands raised; they clapped three times, hands above their heads, before shouting, "HUH!" in unison. The square fell silent._

_Sigyn spoke, "It is our third change of this season in the city. We remember our home fires, carrying them in our hearts. This flame, which has burned since we arrived, was lit from the spark of our lanterns carried in from the fields. From the skill of our men come our harvest brought in off plots in this city. And from the skill of our women come the fruits of the hunt. Let us feast and dance in joy that we yet live and with the remembrance of all those lost who are dancing with us from afar."_

_Most of the people in the square cheered, and those who did not did not seem to belong there. Loki eyed them suspiciously, wondering who they were._

_Sigyn sat and moved her hand from his shoulder to his palm, "I hope I did not offend you with placement of my hand. It was a calculated move. They will see you as a friend or peer, but not in control, if I am allowed to hold you in your place beside me."_

" _No, you did not. Though I did wonder."_

" _Now you do not have to."_

" _Who are the strangers who do not seem to know why you are here?"_

_He pointed them out and she glared, "They came last year. They gawked and laughed and tried to join our dancing. We pushed them back. Those who tried to return to the circle were fought off and bloodied. If it happens again, I make no excuse for those of my people who react badly to intruders in our sacred space."_

" _Shall I speak to them? Command them leave?"_

" _Not if it will weaken my standing, no."_

_Loki nodded, "I will keep watch. Will you tell me about the dances?"_

_She did. They started with dances of thanksgiving, of the coming darkness, and of snow. And then they danced for each creature roasting the spits. And then a dance of feasting, for it was time to eat. Board tables seemed to appear from nowhere around the fire and soon Loki and Sigyn were sitting at a high table set up in front of her bench. Her men in fur brought the spits down and carved the meat while the drumming women placed dishes of vegetables and baked things on the tables._

_A man and woman approached the high table and bowed briefly, "My daughter-queen. May we sit with you?"_

_She gestured to the seats beside her, "Of course. You are always welcome at my table, Father. Kira."_

" _May we ask the introduction of your guest?"_

" _This is Loki, son of Odin. Loki, my father, Talis, and his wife, Kira."_

_He nodded in acknowledgment, "It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, sir, madam."_

_They bow to him, "And an honour for us to meet you, Prince Loki," Talis says. They sit and he leans over to ask, "What brings you here for this celebration? We did not know Asgard had any interest in our ways."_

" _Sigyn and I have grown close. She asked that I attend. And so here I am, honouring that request. And while I cannot speak to my family,_ I _am most certainly interested in the traditions of the friend I hold so dear."_

_Kira drops her voice, "You speak in beautifully guarded words, but we know you and she have shared a bed. You may speak honestly at this table and with her family. In our community, those who repeat what they hear at the high table are subject to death. While we cannot enforce such a harsh law here, we can still keep the memory alive so none dare break it."_

" _Forgive me, I meant no disrespect. We do not have the same safeguards in my father's halls. While it may be treason and sedition to repeat what is overheard between the royal family, it is not so clearly defined."_

_Talis shrugged, "Different ways for different people. No one living remembers the days when our people had a palace. So we have had no place in which to conduct official dealings. It happens at the high table."_

" _Indeed. There is nothing wrong with life this way. I am simply not used to it."_

_Sigyn smiled at him and took his hand, "I hope you will learn. Our stories are beautiful, our dances tell them without words, and there are customs we hold that give our lives great comfort in changing times. Excuse me a moment- I must say words over the food."_

_She stood and her four men in furs once again called the attention of the gathered to her, "Friends, guests, fellow wanderers. May these things we have caught, these things we have made, and these things we have been, all serve us well through the growing darkness. May it stave off starvation, may the skin of the beasts keep us warm, and may all those things we will say to one another in the harshness of these days be forgiven with the coming light."_

_The four men clap once and the feast was open, food and conversation happily shared. Nothing they ate was prepared in a way Loki expected or seasoned how he was used to it being seasoned. But it was tantalizing and he ate his fill, happily trying everything offered him. After the meal, the drumming began again. Sigyn leaned close to narrate them to him._

_But the freely offered drink had not only been taken by Sigyn's folk. The strangers Loki spied earlier started trying to edge into the dances. They stood on the edge, mimicking the moves, often poorly, sometimes with mocking laughter. Sigyn noticed, but initially said nothing. But then they tried to join the circle. One of the young men dancing tried to push them back out. They ignored him. Another dancer joined him. The strangers shoved back. A few of the dancers made a wall. And then one of the strangers threw a punch._

_Sigyn stood and shouted, "HOLD." The drumming stopped immediately. She walked to the fight, Loki trailing in case things got worse. "Stop this, immediately!" Others stepped in to pull the fight apart, but the strangers kept coming for the dancers, even once they were separated by the old women._

" _Get out of my way, homeless hag. You don't belong in Asgard- none of you belong in Asgard!" One of the men yelled and tried to lunge forward. Strong hands caught him and dragged him back, "Get your filthy tramp hands off me! Do any of you know who I am?"_

_Sigyn turned to him, "No. Nor do I care. Do you know who I am?"_

" _The whore 'queen' of this ghetto."_

_She stared, deeply angry, "You would do your best to remember how it was we came to be here."_

" _Why would I care? You're just some bitch who thinks she's a queen." He spat at her. She did not flinch._

_Loki placed a hand on her shoulder, "May I intrude?"_

" _You ought, before I have my boys remove his tongue."_

" _Let's not...at least not yet."_

_The stranger laughed, "Oooo, look, she's got her boyfriend to do her dirty work for her." His friends laughed with him._

_Loki stepped forward, his back tall, his head high, "I would suggest you take care how you address your prince, Jedd, son of Nott." Jedd stopped laughing. His friends tried to back up, but they ran into Loki's two guards, "Now. Let me make one thing explicitly clear. Queen Sigyn of the wandering people did not come here after being conquered. She came here when her people were being killed by raiders. We offered sanctuary and hospitality. And this is how you demonstrate our welcome? This is what you show these good people of Asgard's famed good will towards all? I think your judgment poor. Not quite criminal, but incredibly close. However, I_ do _find it criminal that you would spit upon their queen. She commanded you stop. You invaded her enclave on their feast day. You invited trouble to their celebrations. And you disobeyed the direct order of a woman I consider my equal in status. She has been granted rights by the All-Father reserved for the dignitaries of those tribes of the outer lands. And again, you disobeyed her commands. What do you think I should do? You leave me little choice in this matter."_

_Jedd shook his head, "Please, we meant no harm."_

_Loki scoffed, "No harm? What do you call it when you throw fists? An embrace of friendship?"_

" _We only wanted to be a part of their culture! Show them a little respect by being part of the dance!"_

_He heard Sigyn growl behind him, "Respect? Were you willing to show respect you would have sat aside and waited for your invitation in to their circle. Or you would have learned about their community and asked if this was a feast for you or only for them. But you showed no such judgment. No, I do not think you wished to respect them." He nodded to his guards, "Keep them in place while I consult with the Queen." He turned his back to Jedd and his companions and bowed his head to Sigyn, "My lady. What do you wish done with these men? I know them. I know their temperaments. A simple apology will mean little to them. What would be justice under your laws?"_

" _For their speech to the elders, the removal of their tongues. For joining the circle, being forbidden to come into our encampment. And for spitting on me...generally we treat that as treason and those who commit it are either abandoned in inhospitable areas or killed."_

" _I'm not sure we can do such things under the laws of Asgard. But we can imprison them. And I can assure that their movement after will be restricted and tracked, never allowed in this area of the city again."_

" _And what of their tongues?"_

" _Unfortunately, I cannot have them removed. But while imprisoned, I can have them bound."_

_She nearly protested, but as Jedd tried to speak up, Loki glared at him snapped his fingers. The man's voice cut off. "It will last until I remove it. If I remove it. Given what was said, I am not feeling so charitable at the moment. Perhaps some day I will. But it is not the first time Jedd and his men have spoken in ways that have caused strife. They will learn, or we will be forced to return to the old ways of stitching lips closed." He turned back to Jedd, "May this be a lesson to you and to all who would dare treat Queen Sigyn with less than the respect she deserves." He waved to the guards, "Take them away."_

_Once the strangers were removed, Loki turned back to Sigyn and dropped to one knee, "I hope I did you no disrespect, my lady."_

_She lifted his chin, "No. Rise, Loki, son of Odin, and please escort me back to my place." He offered his arm. She accepted, and she returned to her bench. He sat. She stood and addressed the circle, "Continue in our celebration. As the year turns, so shall we."_

_The dancers and drummers echoed back, "As the year turns, so shall we."_

_She settled beside him, whispering, "Once I close the dance, will you come to my bed?"_

" _I look forward to it, my lady," he whispered back._

_There were a few other danced stories, and then her four men in fur came to the bench and knelt in front of her, each offering up a bowl of coloured powder. She rose and dipped a finger in each, marking her cheeks, her arms, her chest, in ochre, crimson, lavender, and sage, patterns she seemed to know by heart, each specific to its colour and place on her body. And then she stepped into the circle, her dancers still around the edge, her four men still kneeling. She took each bowl and scattered the powders in different quadrants of the circle. And then the drums started. In her dress of silk, of turquoise, lavender, white, and orange, she looked like the white-hot flame that lingered in the deepest centre of the fire. Gold glittered on her fingers, wrists, toes, ankles, neck, and in her hair, the shimmer of gems reflecting the flicker of fire. The colours at her feet plumed up in dusty clouds as she danced, her people reached forward so that it will land on their arms, their hair, their clothes. In her finish, the fire was doused with cauldrons of water, the hiss of steam the only sound as her assembled people sat in silence. The drums stopped. He realized only later that the drums stopped long before her dance did, long before the flicker and crackle of fire was silenced by the flood from the suspended cauldrons. The haze cleared and she was gone._

_The people dispersed, some talking quietly as they moved their observances to tents set up on one end of the square, others disappearing into the houses; a tiny young woman approached Loki and bowed, "My lady bids you follow."_

" _Oh. And who might you be?"_

" _Iceni. But ask no more questions." She brought him to the cottage door and bowed as she opened it for him. He stepped in and she closed it near silently behind him. He stared at the space. Small. Far smaller than he thought for the cottage of a Queen. But was is richly decorated, the walls hung with tapestries and draped silks, textiles in all colours and brocade textures. He heard movement in another room, but did not dare step farther in until invited._

" _Hello?"_

_Something jingled and soon Sigyn emerged from a doorway draped in beads that chimed as she stepped through. There were bells on the bead strand. Her silk gown was discarded and she stood wrapped in a white silk brocade robe, the smudges of the coloured powders from her skin tinging the fabric. She had not washed it from her body, her feet and legs coloured from her dance._

" _Hello, Loki." She gestured for him to follow, "Come. It isn't at all like your palace, but it is as grand as my wagon was, and better."_

_He walked after her through the bead door and then past another. There was a curtain drawn back across the bedroom. As they walked, she snuffed lanterns so that the bedroom was the only room lit as she dropped the curtain. He was nervous, wondering how to approach her in this small space, her sanctuary. But he did not have to wonder long. She kissed his chin, nibbled his ear, and made her way along his jaw to his mouth, his lips parted, waiting. The colour from her skin smudged against his face and he worked quickly to undo buckles and straps, his clothing falling to the ground as he backed her towards the bed. She opened her robe and sat on the foot. He took the moment to run his fingers down her sides, the colours from her chest smudged from the robe. He eased her onto her back and she wrapped her legs around his waist._

" _Sigyn?"_

" _Yes?"_

" _Do you love me?"_

" _You have to ask?"_

" _No, but I need to hear the words from your lips."_

" _Yes. I love you. And perhaps some day, you will agree to be the Queen's consort?"_

" _I know so little of you and yet I would say yes right now were you to ask."_

_They moved farther up the bed and she giggled, "We have known each other a few years. That is longer than my parents knew one another before they made their covenant and brought forth my brother."_

" _Oh?"_

" _They were married within a month. And he was born in the time customary. All portents foretold a long reign, had he lived."_

" _Were you and he close?"_

" _Very. I learned much from him. How to lead. How to follow. How to fight." She pulled him down into her, "Now teach me what I do not know about making love to Prince Loki. I have learned a great deal so far. What shall we do tonight?"_

" _Anything you wish, my lady." She kissed him and tugged the blanket over them both._

 


	8. Chapter 8

The death of the All-Mother shakes the realm, including Sigyn's enclave. There are many dead from the attack by the Dark Elves, including those from her tribe. She calls for a feast of mourning. Her people believe she grieves for their lost brothers and sons. They do not know the extent of her loss. She knows Loki is dead. Thor visited briefly upon his return from Midgard to bring her the news. But she is also incredibly proud of his actions. Her prince has died the hero, an act of love after so much hurt.

They feast in silence, the music of the crackling fire their only accompaniment. Those from farther away return to the heart of their community to pay their respects and to grieve with their Queen. Some bring families that have never seen this home. In the days that follow, some move back, bringing everything they have achieved to the houses around the square, a few bringing nothing, their families left behind. Even with those who have returned, their community seems too small to survive.

She cradles her two sons against her sitting in the pillow-nest that is her living room, wondering if they will be the last two born into the traditions of her people. So many others are being raised in the traditions of those born in the city. Odin's traditions. Thor's traditions.

But not Loki's. And he is dead. She vows to learn more of Jotunheim so that she can honour him through stories of their bravery and their ways, not only those of the Aesir and of her own people.


	9. Chapter 9

_Their relationship only intensified after his visit to her circle. He was invited to celebrate the turning seasons alongside them and she began to teach him the dances a little at a time, sacred movements in the confines of her home that so often led to sex. But there were different rules in her world, different attitudes about bodies and propriety and sexuality. In this space, they were far more free, their Queen dancing as a goddess to her people. Her role was not only to lead, but to represent life itself and dance to bring it forth. And in time, she brought him to dance with her, both of them well knowing this act was a sign that he was hers, consort to the Queen, chosen to bring forth life with her._

_Her pregnancy did not surprise her. She wrote to him and burned the letter, feeling it a poor substitute for an in-person announcement. But there were so many things he had to do. So many preparations for Thor's coronation. So she waited patiently, as she had always done when the duties of his station had interrupted the life she dreamed of for the both of them._

_The intrusions were not always random. Odin knew of their lives, his son's journeys to the enclave of wandering people pinned in the city. And she knew Odin disapproved. While he gave her the respect of her station in negotiations with her tribe, it was only his son who continued to grant her that respect after they were settled._

_She stood in the palace for Thor's coronation on Loki's invitation. She was immensely proud of him, even though she wasn't sure why. It was his job to be regal, to put on a good show for the people, and to escort in the All-Mother. And yet to her, it seemed something special. Thor's entrance made her nervous. She learned young from watching the other tribes that an overconfident King was a dead King. And Thor seemed far too sure of himself._

_And then came the All-Father's whisper, "Frost Giants."_

_He disappeared quickly, others stepping up to dismiss the crowd. But she slipped by, close enough that she was able to intercept Loki as he walked out a side door with his mother._

" _What has happened? Are we under attack?"_

" _I don't think so. Don't worry, love. I will join my father and brother and we will assess this threat. It is likely nothing. Merely a trick or perhaps a few rogue soldiers."_

_Frigga put her hand on his arm, "Come, Loki. We ought be going. Your father isn't going to want to wait long."_

" _Buy me just a moment, Mother. I will be along soon." She went ahead._

_Loki bent close to Sigyn and kissed her, "It is nothing. Just a trick."_

" _You did this."_

" _And it is already over. A distraction for more time. I will explain later, when I escape to you tonight. And then you can tell me what it is you have been so eager to say outside of a letter." He turned quickly and was gone. As she walked out with the rest of the assembled, she had a sense of foreboding. It was not over. It had only just begun._

 


	10. Chapter 10

Sigyn's children are boisterous, clever boys when Loki reveals himself to the kingdom. The All-Father is dead. Thor is in Midgard. And Loki has miraculously reappeared. A part of her is overjoyed. Another is terrified, wondering what this man will do to their kingdom and if it will start a war when Thor gets wind of his return. She fears it will.

She hides the children in other houses. There are friends who can take them so whatever he has become, if it is as monstrous as those who saw him return from Midgard assumed, will not be a danger to them. And then she bathes, dresses herself in fine yellow silk, and perfumes her hair. She decks herself in gold, weaves her jewels in her hair, and sets out for the palace with her four men. They ride horses. Hers is black, decked in gold, it's mane braided. Theirs are rich brown creatures, and all of them are huge animals, draft horses that once pulled the caravan wagons in their wandering life. Once she would have gone to him discreetly, but now that she does not know him, she rides as a Queen.

At the palace gate, she demands an audience with Loki. The guards look from her to her men and wonder if they are inviting trouble when they let her pass. She is escorted through the courtyard and pays handsomely for their mounts to be well cared for. No one stops her as she walks with only her own escort to the vast throne room. The mood in the palace seems tense. There is no joy for the new king's arrival.

The men at the throne room door open it without question and she holds her head high, haughty, even, as she walks towards the elevated seat. Loki sits casually upon it, leaning to one side, grinning down on his subjects. She stops long before the bottom step.

Her men step forward in unison, clap, and, "HUH." One of them, hands folded behind his back, announces, "Queen Sigyn demands audience of Asgard." The four men bow sharply and stay bent as he studies them.

"And yet Queen Sigyn does not bow," Loki observes, "Why is this, I wonder? Does she not see that Asgard is her protector and host? One she ought be grateful to?"

Another one of the men answers, "Queen Sigyn bows to no King that has not earned the honour."

"And I have not?"

She steps forward, gold bells on her ankles jingling with every step, "You had earned it as my prince. Odin All-Father had earned it as my king. And you are neither. As I do not know you in this form, I will not bend."

"Oh, but I could have it forced upon you, your will broken so that you were subordinate to me in every way..."

"And I could tear out your lying tongue for suggesting such a thing," she states, calm, but sharp.

The guards on either side of the room look wary until he starts to laugh, "I am certain you would try, madam. Perhaps we should continue our conversation in private."

Her four men step forward and close in front of her, "Not until I better know who you are. Come here so that I might see you." It is now her people's turn to look uncomfortable.

Loki shrugs, "There can me no harm in such a little thing." He walks down the steps, a long red cape trailing behind him, "But why have you come, Sigyn, Queen of wanderers? You have no qualm with Asgard's treatment of your people, do you? Or perhaps this is a visit of a more personal nature." He walks up to the four men forming a wall in front of her, "Of course, it does me little good to come down if I cannot reach you."

She places a hand on the shoulders of the two men in the center, "Move a little. Just enough for my sight." They step about a foot apart. She studies him, "You are truly Loki? Not a trick? Not an illusion?"

"Yes."

"Tell me something only he would know."

"And what if I tortured him and drew out his secrets?"

"Then you would have ignored much, as there are little things in our lives that would be so insignificant for torture, but yet would be incredibly intimate in their nature."

"I have seen you dance."

"Many have."

He leans in so his face is close to the human wall keeping him from her, whispering so only she and the two men closest can hear, "I have seen how the ochre and crimson smudge down your sides as you press against me, my fingers making trails in the dust turned to paint with our sweat. I know how those colours run and drip from exerting brows and how they stain the sheets and the shimmering white silk work by my Queen."

She nods, "And are you any semblance of the man I once knew?"

"A private audience, Sigyn, and I will tell you everything."

"Under two conditions."

"Name them."

"My men will stand guard outside the door."

"The other?"

"You will not shield the door from sound more than it is naturally. If you harm me, I must be able to scream and be rescued."

"You fear harm?"

"I know what Frigga knew of the Bifrost and I know somewhat of Midgard. And I also know you fought the darkness on Svartalfheim. You are twice dead, and yet still here you are. I do not know who to expect. Harm is always possible. And I am Queen. I cannot risk this. There is no one yet to take my title."

Loki nods and stands back, "Agreed. Come. This way and we will retire to a private chamber." He turns and briskly walks away. Her men follow, forming a box around her. When they reach the door, they take up posts and Loki extends his hand, "Will my lady allow me to escort her in the door?"

She looks so long at his hand that he starts to lower it before she takes it, "But you must tell me everything, no matter how terrible."

She sees his calm facade flicker for such a brief moment she isn't sure what she sees under it. But she thinks it may be fear.

 


	11. Chapter 11

Only once the door is closed does Loki speak, "Why have you come, Sigyn?"

"Because I have need to know."

"Know what?"

"Everything."

He sighs, "That is an exasperating answer."

"And precisely the sort of one you would have given, had the questioner and answerer been reversed. Do not toy with me. I am still Sigyn, Queen. I have changed in some ways, but not so much you do not recognize me. You...I do not know. Nor can I trust what I see or hear of you."

"Have I lied to you before?"

"Yes. With your deaths."

He nods, "I suppose I have."

"I said you must tell me everything. Start there. With the Bifrost."

"Do you know how I came to that place?"

"That you found out your origins and lost control, yes. That you set about to destroy the very thing that you are, to claim victory over Jotunheim as none before you had. To outshine Odin and Thor both. Yes, this I know. And I know you fell."

"How do you know these things?"

"Frigga told me. She understood I deserved to know."

"She was wise in that."

"What happened there? And what happened that brought you to try to destroy Midgard?"

"I will not speak of what happened in the Void. But Midgard was a bargain. A throne in exchange for the Tesseract and Sceptre."

She stares, then crosses her arms, "A throne? That is what you would endanger a world for?"

"I did not say it was a _wise_ bargain, but a bargain it was."

"Tell me what happened when you fell."

He shakes his head and grins, "Oh, Sigyn...I will not do such a thing. Not even for you. I will tell you all I have done in these worlds. I will tell you of the horrors of my monstrous nature, but I will not tell you what was done to me in the Void."

Sigyn sighs and steps closer, reaching for his face, "What did they do to you, dear boy?"

"I am no _boy_ , woman, though I am younger than you," Loki snaps.

She shakes her head, "Do you not remember? It is a term of endearment in my tribe. A familiar way to address someone well-loved." She rests a hand on his cheek, "And you are still well-loved."

He steps back, "You do not know of what you speak."

"I do."

He shakes his head and turns away, "You think you know who I am...but I am no longer the sentimental fool I was in my youth."

"It has hardly been that long. We are both yet young. Tell me more of what has been. You tried to steal Midgard. I received word you were here. I came to you in your cell as the Queen did- you certainly remember denying me. And then Thor came to tell me of your death, a noble final act. And then suddenly here you are."

"Do you really want to know where I was between?"

"I said I wanted to know everything, even the horrible parts, did I not?"

Loki nods, "You did. I did die. It was...not something I want to do again. I don't know how it was I came to live again. But there was a blade through my body that burned until it was drawn, and then I felt only pain. Once pain ended, blackness. And nothing. I don't remember existing between then and when I very slowly sat up. I think I lost the better part of an hour, but I don't know. I came back to Asgard and replaced the All-Father on his throne, still weak from a lack of an adequate sleep his last time in the Odinsleep Chamber. I kept him there, bound by magic and chains. I took his place on the throne under his likeness. He _did_ only recently die- and not by my hand. And so I had my opportunity to reveal myself."

"You simply left him in the Odinsleep Chamber for years?"

"Yes. It sustained his life until it closed on its own."

She regards him with suspicion, "And you never tortured him? Vindication seems more your nature these past few years. Even as Odin. You played the role well, but a more brutal nature showed through."

"And you suspected nothing?"

"Of course we suspected something. Our Queen had died. One son dead a second time over after atrocities committed against two realms. The other gone to Midgard for love. We attributed the change to these things. But who were we to tell?"

"True."

"I have mourned you twice, Loki. And now you return so that I may mourn you a third time when that day comes."

"And you think it will?"

"Of course. Do you not think that Thor is coming? He will walk to the gates of this palace with his army, gathered from those adoring soldiers in this realm and in others, and he will challenge you. And you will not go willingly. So you will die."

"You see me as so foolish as to challenge Thor and his army without my own?"

"And what army do you have? The army of Asgard? Do you not see how they react to you? Can you not sense their unease? If Thor offers them protection, they will abandon you in a moment. You will stand before him with a handful of men or on your own. And you will not surrender, no matter how poor your odds. You are a fool, Loki, son of Odin."

"I am no son of Odin!" he snaps, "Do not address me as such."

"You are such a coward that you cannot accept him as your father?"

He closes the distance between them and slaps her hard enough that she trips sideways and falls to the floor, "I am no coward!"

She stares at the floor, drawing slow, even breaths, "You would not have hit me before."

"I am not even a shadow of the man I was when you knew me, Sigyn," his voice is cold and distant, "and while I pretend I care what you say, it is nothing more than that, nothing more than a copying game that I play for my own amusement at your frustration." He pauses and then gestures for her to stand, "Get up, woman. And leave. You have no further business with me."

But she does not stand, still focused on the floor, "I have mourned you with all my heart. I have danced our dance for fresh grief twice draped in strips of black silk, my body exposed to the flames as the fabric shifted with my steps. I have borne children while still in the pit of this despair, seeking joy in their tiny faces when I could find it nowhere else. And I have watched as Asgard's welcome seemed to fade, the poverty and sickness spreading through my people. But not once have I lost hope that I could still love you should you miraculously reappear."

"I once thought of you as Sigyn the ever-faithful. I see it was a burden too great for you to bear." He walks away, "And get up. The floor is not a suitable place for a Queen.

She still has not made eye contact, "Even when I thought you gone for eternity, I was."

He pauses, "What?"

"I was faithful. I always have been."

He turns back to her, "You said..."

"I have children. Yes."

He walks back to her, "Sigyn, make this plain."

She shakes her head, anger rising in her voice, "You do not deserve it plain. You hit me. I should tell you nothing else." She looks up at him, "They are hidden. Safe. You will not touch them."

He drops to his knees, his expression softening, "Please, I beg you, tell me. Are they mine?" She does not answer, "In the name of all that is sacred to your people, please, answer."

He reaches for her and she catches his hand, tossing it away, "You hit me."

"I'm sorry."

"Are you? Or are you just saying so because you hope that I will tell you what you want to hear if you say it?"

"Sigyn..."

"No!" she snaps, "You do not command me! You never have, you never will. This unearned station does not make you greater than me and I will _not_ bend to you, not in stature, not in will, not in words. You struck me, you will not learn the truth of my sons until I decide to divulge it!"

Loki slumps, his face falling, "I beg-"

"Stop. Unless you are truthful, and then you may speak."

He draws in a long breath and bows his head, "My lady, please. Forgive me. My heart hurts. It is weary. And I have let it poison me. Willingly. I offer myself to your justice."

"By our justice, I would have my men remove the hand that struck the Queen."

"Then do it so that I then might know the answer to my question."

She takes his chin between the crook of her index finger and her thumb, forcing him to raise his face to her, "Your eyes. Let me see them." He looks at her and she meets his gaze, "Now speak again. Ask. And if you lie, I will know. And I will tear out that lying tongue."

"Are your sons my children?" he asks, little louder than a whisper, his voice unsteady.

She studies him and then nods, "Yes."

"Why did you never tell me? Did you not know...?"

"I did. Why do you think I so desperately needed to speak to you in person the day of Thor's coronation?"

He drops his face into his hands, "Oh, gods..."

"I waited for you that night. You never came."

"He had been cast out. I knew what I was. And I had been handed Gungnir and the weight of a throne I did not want...Asgard was suddenly mine. I forgot. I'm so sorry."

"Had you not, everything would have been different, wouldn't it?" Sigyn rests her hand on his shoulder, "I've missed you, Loki. And I still do. You are not the man I once knew. Part of him is here, that is clear. Your heart has been broken, though, and you no longer know yourself. I see hope. But not if you do not survive this fight with Thor."

"I will amass an army. Fight for my life. And that I might be allowed to know my sons."

"Twins. One with hair of midnight, the other with hair of flames. Fitting to children conceived after the sacred dances."

"They show no traits of Jotunheim?"

She shrugs, "And what if they did? They are still my children. But no. Not yet."

"Please believe me when I say I would not have done all I did had I met with you, had I known. I am not a wicked creature of ice and vengeance. At least I do not think I am. I play the part, but...you are right. There is far more heartbreak here than you know." He pauses, "Could you steal me away? Hide me? I will take a new name, live in the wilds, anything you ask."

"No. Any such trickery is not fitting for a Queen. And I do believe you. But I do not think my sons will ever know their father."

He sighs, "I fear you are right."

Sigyn picks herself up off the floor and brushes her dress straight, "Rise, Loki, King of Asgard. The floor is no fitting place for a man of your station."

He bows, his face to the floor, forehead brushing her feet, before he stands, "Forgive me, my Queen."

She nods, "I will as I can."

He stands, "Thank you. I should return to my duties."

"One kiss, please, before you leave. Prove to me that I am wrong to think your love has faded, replaced with bitterness and hatred of all those you once held dear. Or show me I am right and step away." She waits, thinking he will hesitate or walk away, but he does neither, bending in for a long, lingering kiss, his hands on her waist.

"How did I let myself forget you?"

"I don't know. But if you ever raise a hand against me again, I will never let you into my life thereafter. Not for a greeting. Not for a circle around the fire. And most certainly never to see your sons."

"And I would deserve it. I do now."

"Yes, you do. And I will not allow us to simply step back into the dance as we once did. You will not hurt my children. And so you must prove yourself. No more deaths."

"There may yet be one. Thor."

"Then I suggest you find a way to live."

He offers her his arm, "Might I return my lady to her guards?"

"Yes. But do not lie to me again."

"Of course. Or you will remove my tongue."

" _Tear_ it out. The phrase is important. 'Remove' sounds so distant and indirect."

"Oh, well I most certainly would never accuse my Queen of being indirect. That would be a travesty, indeed."

She smiles and shakes her head, this banter more like what she remembers of him. She looks over and he, too, has a smile on his face, a moment of joy for being at her side.

He opens the door for her and returns her to her men. She nods an acknowledgment. He bows slightly to her.

"I thank you for your audience, Loki, King. Until we meet again." She turns and her four men turn with her, escorting her away from the palace and back to their enclave.

When she is long gone, Loki retreats farther into the private rooms of the palace until he is to his own space. He undresses and crawls into bed to think, the silk sheets cool on his skin. Two boys. His sons. One with hair of fire, one with hair of night. He presses his hands to his mouth, overcome; he does not know them and yet suddenly wants so desperately to leave everything behind for them.

 


	12. Chapter 12

Loki has only a day before he is informed that Thor marches from the Bifrost with an army at his heels, his friends from Midgard, allies from other realms, and Sif with her Warriors Three. Loki gathers Asgard's own men and orders them to defend the palace. He then sends word to Sigyn.

_My dear Queen,_

_Thor has come for the throne. I cannot simply hand this over to him- to do so would be to admit to being the lesser brother and I am far too proud to bend before him. You will understand this. I know I will die in this foolish endeavour to prove myself at least his equal. Make your preparations ready for the dead. I will ask that he leave me to you if I am to be given such mercy._

_I ordered our soldiers only to defend the palace. If they feel Thor is no invader, I will have no army. I did not ask them to defend their king._

_Stay home, stay away, and stay safe._

_I love you._

_Loki._

Sigyn tells the old women to prepare their rituals for one facing death and then disobeys his order to stay home. She dresses in crimson and walks through streets crowded with onlookers to see the army pouring from the Bifrost. They come in so many shapes and sizes, from so many places. It is an army unlike any she has ever seen. And Asgard joins Thor on his march to the palace.

She finds other ways through the streets, paths up high and down below. War will fill the palace courtyards and she will be there, not to fight, but to find him. If he is to fall, she will watch and go to him in his death.


	13. Chapter 13

Loki fights, few men beside him. Too few. They will lose. Most of the guard has turned against him and he knows this fight in the great hall at the feet of the throne of Asgard will end with his death. But he cannot surrender. It would only lead to imprisonment, for he knows Thor cannot kill him.

The army lets Thor through as Loki fights off his own guard, weakened by the constant onslaught. He watches his men fall, one by one, and wonders what they are dying _for_ \- certainly not him. Perhaps for an idea, a king in title, but not _this_ king. He sees Thor begin to twirl Mjolner at a distance. He means to make this strike clean.

Sigyn has found a perch in a balcony. She watches, horrified and sad. And then she sees something from the corner of her eye and turns her attention away. Three hooded figures, one hunched, one straight, and one in between, creating something between them. A spell. Energy she has only seen created in practice, always carefully dismissed. It crackles and weaves within their hands, a black web that seems to suck light in, rather than give it off. And then it shoots from their cluster and strikes Loki in the chest just as Mjolner flies. He is wrapped in its black tendrils a moment as he falls to the ground, Mjolner missing his skull by inches. He gasps, stares at his chest, and collapses sideways, his face pressed to the floor, hands trying desperately to push his torso up as he struggles to breathe.

The room falls silent as Mjolnir slaps back into Thor's hand. The three hooded figures disappear. Sigyn drops from the balcony and slows herself to land on her feet. She runs to Loki, shoving soldiers out of her way, even pushing by Thor himself as he approaches.

"Stand back!" Thor commands, "You do not know if he is dangerous. Loki wounded is more frightening than Loki in control."

She ignores him and drops to her knees beside her lover, "Please, say something."

"I...I know this...this magic."

"As do I. Come. Rest in my arms."

"No. It will only work faster if...if...if I move."

"And would you rather die, face pressed to stone, or held in your beloved's arms, even if you have a little less time?" she asks, her voice soft.

He crawls, pulling his chest onto her lap. He wraps his arms around her and she strokes his hair, his strength leaving.

"Please...forgive. Me. Forgive me."

"If you know this spell, do not make those your last words. Fight this."

His mouth open, he twists to gaze up at her, "Afraid. Ice. And pain."

"I know. But you can do this. And I still love you." She bites her lip and then bends to kiss his forehead. He tries to smile, but it is difficult. He clutches at her, his grip weak, desperation setting in, his breaths shuddering gasps. She bends and rests her cheek against his and feels his body still.

Thor drops Mjolner behind her, the clang echoing off the high ceilings as he falls to his knees, "Is...is it over?"

"Yes."

"Is he gone?"

"Yes."

"Are you certain?"

"Do you know the spell, Thor, son of Odin?"

"No."

"I do. He is dead. He has left his body. But the magic will kill it far more slowly as he decides if he is willing to do the work to rebuild it."

"I do not understand."

"The spell is a crucible. A test. No one can undertake it and not be changed by it. And only a rare few come through."

"But you said he is dead."

"He is. It separates body and soul, tearing them apart so completely that he exists elsewhere, unable to see us, hear us...none of it- he is, for all purposes, dead. But to exist without one's body is terrifying and to return to it means feeling everything that has been destroyed by this spell. It is eating him from inside out. Destroying tissue, drying blood. It takes weeks to do even the slightest visible damage. And he must choose. Will he let go and release himself to whatever comes after death, or will he return and have to use his own skills to rebuild his body, fighting the effects of the spell until healing is complete, any weakness in his resolve an allowance for it to redamage what he has fixed? It is gruelling. It is horrible. And it is was sent to him intentionally."

Thor shakes his head, horrified, "No. We cannot leave him to this agony."

"He can choose to be released from it at any time. Otherwise, the work."

"No. Can we grant him mercy?" Thor's voice cracks.

"No. It will protect what it has claimed." There are tears in her eyes, "Do not think I would have chosen this. Do not think this is my doing, or I planned it. It is one of the most terrifying bits of magic I have ever seen assembled and I have never before seen it cast. And to see it used against someone I dearly love..."

"I, too."

"I know." She strokes Loki's cheek, "His face looks so peaceful. So much at rest."

"I hope he chooses death. For his sake." Tears stream down Thor's cheeks, "I have mourned him twice. My heart cannot take a third."

"Nor mine. I feel...numb."

"Is that how you seem so calm?"

"Yes."

"Will you tell me what choice he makes?"

She nods, "In my way, yes."

He nods, "Thank you, Queen Sigyn. How shall we bear the dead away?"

"Very carefully. Do not jostle him about. It will only make his work more difficult. And bring him to my circle."

And then there are hands to take Loki from her and for a moment she clutches him even more tightly against her, heart broken that he is gone again so soon. Thor dismisses the others. He picks up Loki himself. Sigyn rises.

He calls, "I will reclaim the throne when I return and we may celebrate this new era. But first, I must carry my brother to his funeral bed in the house of Queen Sigyn. There he will undergo the rituals of her people." Thor carries him, with Sigyn beside, all the way to her enclave on foot. There is an alter built near the fire, a bed with a canopy and fine silk curtains around it. She directs him to set his brother down. Thor does, but not without reluctance and tears. He kisses Loki's forehead, reminds him that he always has and always will love him, and returns to the palace alone, heartbroken. Sigyn sits on the edge of the fire and watches the old women prepare his body for however long the waiting takes.

 


	14. Chapter 14

Sigyn keeps vigil over Loki's body in all weather, through sun, through rain, and all conditions between. She rarely sleeps more than four hours on end, pacing her rest through the day.

When she has pushed herself perhaps too far, she sleeps long, waking one afternoon to the sound of movement in her bathroom. She sits up slowly, reaching for the knife on the bedside table.

And then he steps into the bedroom, hair a mess, recently washed, clothing damp and clinging to his skin, "Oh. Hello. Sorry, I used your bath. I thought it best after that long asleep. They say it's been months."

"Loki..." she says, shocked.

"Yes. In the flesh. And alive."

She vaults from the bed, completely disregarding the fact that she is naked, and collides into his arms, first crying, then laughing, then doing both, her arms around his neck, her face buried in his hair. It smells like him.

"Tell me something only I should know," she says.

"There is a lovely little mark on the inside of your right hip that I only know is there because I've had my mouth between your legs."

She laughs, giddy, and kisses him, "I...I wasn't sure you would choose this. Or that you would make it if you did."

He rests on hand on her hip and cups her chin with his other, "My dear lady, I didn't really have another choice."

"But you've died before."

"And never once been given the option to stay or go. This was...different. And excruciatingly painful."

"You've only been back a few minutes."

"Just long enough for ritual. Then I came here."

"Why are you wearing clothes?" She tugs on the waist of his trousers.

He laughs, "I'll happily remedy that mistake."

But she has already unfastened them and they fall to his feet as he draws her in for another kiss.

 


	15. Chapter 15

Thor isn't sure he will ever stop mourning Loki. Grief is intense, and though he knows there is a slight chance of survival, he doesn't believe it. His ascent to the throne has been rocky, but he has a firm hold on what he is to do and the resistance to change has largely died down. This is a new King, with new ideas, and newness is not something Asgard does well.

There is a lone, small woman approaching the throne during this day of meeting with his people. He recognizes her. The others mill in clusters, discussing what they will ask of their king and the state of their neighbourhoods, but she walks straight to him and kneels at the steps.

"Rise. I know you from somewhere, do I not?"

"Yes. Iceni. I come with a message from Queen Sigyn."

He walks down the steps to her, "Oh? You did not give it to the guards?"

"We do not write such things. I will speak them. Your scribe can put the words down. And then you will have them permanently."

He nods and beckons for a guard, "I see. We shall do that, then. as you once did for Odin."

"As I have done many times for Odin. Your father knew well enough to receive us this way. But you may want to hear these words yourself."

"I cannot. I must hear the pleas of every person in this room. There isn't time. I will read them when written."

She bows and leaves with the guard.

Very late that night, long after supper and more audiences and a meeting with Sif and the Three, Thor finally retires to his rooms. There is a letter on his desk and he opens it.

_Thor,_

_Thank you for your hospitality in your city, but my people are once again preparing to move. By the time you receive this, our corner will be empty, the circle cleared of our fire and the possessions we cannot carry left behind._

_We will wander, and we will be safe. We have picked up new family, many of our people bringing wives, husbands, children, with them, some bringing new parents, new friends, and pieces of your community, too. They will learn from us and we will grow. Some of our people leave families behind. They do not understand our wanderlust._

_Share our homes with the next tribe that needs the shelter and protection of the City of Asgard. We will likely no longer. We have gained a skilled fighter, a man of magic and wit, and he bows willingly to this Queen, once again lover and friend. He has happily met his sons and has taken to the role of their father quite easily. But you may never see him again. I do not know. But it is likely safer for everyone if we do not return to the city._

_Know he is safe, he is happy, and he says he will miss you. He is glad he no longer must fight._

_With sincerity, Sigyn._

Thor reads the letter twice and then starts laughing. Loki has children. Loki is wandering. Loki is protection to the tribe and consort to the Queen. It suits him. He wonders when he will next run into his brother and hopes that he finds happiness in his travels and nights under the stars.

As Thor is reading the letter, Iceni has finally caught up to the caravans, tents, and carriages that circle a huge fire in the open fields at the edge of the forest far beyond the city. She smells meat cooking and hears music. Children laughing. She ties up her horse and slips between the gaps between homes.

The Queen holds her court, her consort beside her, his hand on her leg, their children playing with the other kids. They listen to the hopes and dreams of their people around the flames. And after, when it is dark and the fire has faded, Loki gathers the children and tells stories illuminated with magic, their tiny faces raised in awe.

The fire dies, caregivers coming to collect the youngest children, "Off to bed, the lot of you," he says, "Even Queens need their sleep and I am anxious to rest. I've only been alive a little while, you know. After being dead, this is exhausting." They giggle and tumble off to bed, his own sons sharing a tent with at least a dozen other kids.

Sigyn leads Loki to her caravan, now richly bedecked in the tapestries and comforts of her carriage. It is huge, for a caravan wagon, tiny, compared to her cottage, and yet it seems more sumptuous for the sheer volume of silks and pillows in it. She brings him to the sleeping loft and draws back the sliding hatch in the roof so they can gaze at the stars as they fall asleep.

"Sigyn?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

She smiles and curls against him, "For what, lover?"

"A second chance. A life out here. Your love. Your faithfulness. My sons."

"Make this life count, Loki. The next time you die, it will be for good."

"I know. And I will." He stares out at the night sky, "I haven't seen this many stars in years."

"They're always out here. Just waiting. A blanket over the world."

"We don't just have to wander this one, you know. There are passages off that only I know. Places the Watchman cannot see. And there are so many other stars."

Sigyn sighs, falling asleep quickly, "Maybe we can see them..."

"Maybe. But goodnight, my Queen. Rest well under these ones."

She is already lightly snoring. Loki closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, opening them to the stars above. They are beautiful. As he dozes off, he realizes this is the fastest he has fallen asleep in years and he is completely content.

 


End file.
